As a parent or foster carer, it can be difficult to find the right balance between being protective and allowing your child independence. Overparenting, also known as helicopter parenting, is when parents are overly involved in their child’s life. This can prevent children from developing important life skills and a sense of autonomy. Learning to let go, within reason, is an essential step to avoid overparenting. This article provides tips on how to take a step back and give your child the freedom to grow.
Provide a Secure Base
Children need a secure base from which to explore the world. As a parent or foster carer, you provide that base through consistent love, care and boundaries. Secure children feel safe to venture out and return. Avoid being overprotective. Allow your child to play freely and take reasonable risks. Be a safe haven when they need reassurance and comfort. In your training as part of the process on how to become a foster carer, you’ll learn how a secure base aids healthy development.
Promote Independence
Start promoting independence from an early age. Allow your toddler to feed themselves, even if it gets messy. Resist doing everything for your child. Encourage them to problem solve, make choices and do things for themselves. Of course, provide help when needed. But let your child take the lead and praise their efforts. This shows them you believe in their abilities.
Involve Your Child in Decision Making
Resist the urge to make all the decisions about your child’s life. Involve them in a developmentally appropriate way. Ask your child’s opinion on matters like activities, clothes and foods. Compromise if you can’t give them full choice. Explain kindly if you have to say no. Their input makes them feel valued and teaches decision making skills.
Teach Self-Care Skills
Equip your child with age-appropriate self-care skills. Encourage independence in the bathroom, dressing, grooming and feeding. Resist doing everything for them. Break tasks into small steps. Be patient as they learn new skills. Praise their efforts. Don’t worry about messes. The goal is to build their confidence. As a foster carer, you’ll receive training on teaching self-care.
Allow Safe Risk Taking
Let your child take reasonable risks as this builds resilience and capability. Of course, provide safety guidance. But don’t ban normal childhood activities out of an overabundance of fear. Say your child wants to climb a tree – explain basic safety then let them try while you supervise nearby. If they fall and scrape a knee, comfort them calmly and help them try again. Learning through experience is powerful.
Choose Your Battles
Pick your battles wisely. Don’t sweat the small stuff. So, they want mismatching clothes or messy hair? Let it go. You want a clean bedroom while they prioritise play? Compromise by having them tidy up once a week. Choose flexible rules that allow your child autonomy over trivial matters. This prevents constant conflict and teaches compromise.
Let Them Solve Problems
When your child has disputes with friends or struggles with schoolwork, don’t jump in to save the day. Resist the urge to fix everything. First listen empathetically as they share feelings. Then guide your child to think through possible solutions themselves. Offer gentle suggestions but let them decide. They gain confidence by solving problems independently.
With the right balance of care and letting go, your child will gain the skills to thrive independently.
